Gratitude

Longing for the true Rose

Four years ago today I met R & my life changed forever. Though I may have sketched in some details of marriage prior to meeting him, I could never have imagined the solace, companionship, and ever-swelling, ever-growing love that accompanies such a partnership.

"And among His Signs is this,
that He created for you mates from among yourselves,
that ye may dwell in tranquility with them,
and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts):
verily in that are Signs for those who reflect."

(Ar-Rum: 21, Al Qur'an)

Umm Zaid & Umm Ali have a 7-day challenge on & Imam Zaid has a lovely post about gratitude to God...and I have an overwhelming amount to be grateful for. The art of happiness seems to be a little different for each of us, but as I get ready for my second course of chemo tomorrow morning, I can't help but think that it is also very similar for all of us. Trite as modernity/post-modernity has made it sound, is there really more to life than love and compassion? Were we not brought to life by the very breath of One whose rahma (mercy) is infinite?

Before I became ill I took everything and everyone around me for granted, as if I in some way deserved it, or that it was permanent. Since the first paralysis/blindness, I've come to see that our control over life is in many ways an illusion, that everything we hold beloved can be swept away - whether it is the bedrock of our identity, the mobility we depend on, or the future we planned. Coming to know this is difficult, and a prelude to unexpected serenity. These are lessons I needed, ones that I'm not sure that I can convey, much as one cannot explain the sudden knowing when one meets one's soulmate.

Tonight, I am grateful for the taking away & the giving, for the loss & the gain, for illness & health, for nearness & distance, for blindness & sight - for the lessons that each of these has held for me in the past few years. I am grateful for the stillness and contentment that pervades my heart this minute. I am ever grateful for my partner, family, health, material wealth, for even as the last two have been diminished, so has my awareness of being awash in infinite, uncountable blessings - each step I take, every breath I take - been increased.

“Wondrous are the believer’s affairs. For him there is good in all his affairs, and this is so only for the believer. When something pleasing happens to him, he is grateful, and that is good for him; and when something displeasing happens to him, he is patient, and that is good for him.” - Prophet Muhammad (saws), Sahih Muslim.

Alhamdolillah.