On Illness

[The 2005 posts collectively won the 2005 Brass Crescent Award for Best Series]

I was diagnosed with Devic's disease (neuromyelitis optica) in 2003.

Having Devic's (sometimes classified as a sub category of Multiple Sclerosis, sometimes as a completely separate disease) means that one lives with alternating episodes of spinal inflammation that result in varying degrees of paralysis, & optic neuritis which causes partial or total blindness.

Recovery from these episodes can take months &, sometimes, years, and is often incomplete.

These entries represent my on-going exploration of living with an illness with my faith, & a sense of beauty & gratitude intact, God willing.

October 2005 was a particularly good month for reflection, as I was in the hospital for three weeks.

February 2003

Morphine What happens when you get married, move cross country, start a new job, & suddenly wake up one day unable to walk?


April 2005

My Right Foot All of creation bows in gratitude. How can I be more like that even during paralysis?


June 2005

Afterglow Reflecting on the life force of a child.

Beautiful Day Sometimes you're given a day that shines like a pearl. This is one of them.


July 2005

True Romance A weekly date with an MS shot to the thigh is alleviated by halal pepperoni pizza, Don Juan, & Seyyed Hossein Nasr.

Knowledge Exploring the difference between knowledge & information.


August 2005

There but for the Grace of God How much of our lives do we really have control over & actively choose?

Tales of a Biotech Guinea Pig The funny side of being in an experimental chemo research study.


September 2005 (Beginning chemotherapy)

Chemo/Therapy The first time.

Benevolent Elixir & Sacred Letters Post-chemo quietude.

Gratitude Shukr, baby!

Relapsing/Remitting Of spinal hiccups & mercy.

Insomnia Dealing with an addiction to sleep medication.


October 2005 (Most written during a long hospitalization)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Baraka Can't walk, but still flying.

Plasmapheresis & the Generosity of Souls Getting ready for a medical proceudre with thoughts far away in an earthquake struck homeland.

Connectivity Online & live from the hospital.

Finally, a Room with a View Finding beauty even in the hospital.

A Sudden Burst of Green An encounter with the wild green parrots of TMBCE and how we barely escaped with our lives.

Blood & Sugar George Clooney hand-feeds me dessert.

Cheveux Hairy Purelander women exposé!

Veneer Sometimes you realize just how petty you really are. And that you're deeply blessed in spite of it.

Home Sweet Home Released from the hospital, but not without a dramatic going-away present.

Behind the Mask Halloween & my jugular vein.


November 2005

The Unbearable Lightness The summer I learned to swoon.

Sheer Delight How it feels to be home.

Sunday Paper A very short poem.

The Well Another.


December 2005

Intersections An exploration of becoming increasingly disabled.


January 2006

The Year in Gratitude Thinking back on a tough year healthwise


February 2006

The Cord of Love Finding a deeper meaning in illness

Pop a Wheelie Remembering the first time I used a wheelchair and the joy it brought my two-year old niece.

Outed Examining my discomfort in joining an online Devic's support group.


March 2006

Quake How far can I run if disaster strikes? Especially since I can no longer run.

Puberty Going through it for the second time at 33 ain't easy.


June 2006

Anniversaries Looking back at a year of blogging and of time spent in illness and otherwise.

Postponement Finding the perspective to postpone chemo.


July 2006

Thoughts before Chemotherapy People tell me it's odd that I consider this illness a blessing. But through it I have become more humble, grateful, content, and attuned to the joyous beauty God has created.

Post-Chemo Thinking back, and ahead.

Birthday Chemo A birthday spent in mindful preparation for chemotherapy.